


The Losing Side

by nexttothesea



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Gen, Internal Monologue, POV Sherlock Holmes, Post-Reichenbach, Pre-Episode: s03e01 The Empty Hearse, Sherlock Holmes Has Feelings, Sherlock Holmes Loves John Watson, Sherlock's Mind Palace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:54:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27821833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nexttothesea/pseuds/nexttothesea
Summary: Sherlock reflects on who John Watson is to him as he sits in his cell in Serbia."Everyone in my life has always joined slowly and most left without a trace, it doesn't bother me. John Watson was different..."
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes & John Watson, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	The Losing Side

Everyone in my life has always joined slowly and most left without a trace, it doesn't bother me. John Watson was different, he rushed in like a tornado and saved me unknowingly. He did not just save my life from that cabbie, he saved me from myself. It wasn't gradual, things never were regarding John, and neither was the realisation when I discovered that he took up so much of my mind. It was as if he had found refuge there with his warm presence and cups of tea. His smiles, his laugh, him. He dominates the thoughts in my mind.

I've never had anyone but myself and the hallways of knowledge in my mind palace before, but one day he was there. He stood there in the deep blue jumper I bought him for our first Christmas at Baker Street; it complimented his eyes beautifully. It's as if he had waltzed in of his own accord, like he knew I'd need him in my mind one day.

Today was that day. Today I sit in this dim, damp and desolate cell in Serbia and I wish he were here sitting beside me like we used to on the couch, all too close for normal flatmates. Though we were never normal, were we? No, he's extraordinary. He had occupied so much of me, yet I was the one to leave him. Perhaps he’s moved on. I hope he has, yet it makes my heart yearn achingly at the thought.

I can no longer tell what day it is nor how long I have been stuck here. He wouldn’t know how to get out of here anymore than I do but I still find myself desiring that he were with me. I always said that “Alone protects me” but when I uttered those words aloud and he responded with “No, friends protect people” I knew that he was right, my John was always clever. If I never make it back to him, at least I will be satisfied in the knowledge that Mycroft will keep him safe. I made Mycroft promise, I have never asked so much from him before.

That night I saw him at the pool with his fate written across his chest, I knew that John Watson meant more to me than anyone else I have ever known. The fear that shot me that day is one that I only experienced again as Moriarty told me of the sniper trained on John. He was right, Sherlock Holmes does have a heart, but John Watson can never be burnt from me. So sentimental, however I do not mind being on the losing side if I am there for John. 

Others were threatened that day, but I would only ever return for John. I am in love with John Hamish Watson, I just wish I had known sooner, and I pray that if I do ever find a way back to him that I find the courage within me to tell him this.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!! This is my first fic so any and all criticism and techniques are welcome!


End file.
